Of being and doing…

Its 1 a.m.

I woke up with a million thots running thru my mind.

This urge to put my fingers on our computer keyboard and put these thots into words, almost, always bugs my head.

Yet, most often than not, my procrastinating attitude defeats my good intentions. Thereby, causing that thoughtful moment vanish into thin air.

‘Til next time', I say….

This is one of those times I would seek myself and ask :

"and when is that next time,huh? Do you remember that time you wished …If only I had a computer in our bedroom where I can write these thots down and get it off my head..maybe I wouldn’t be waking up feeling empty that I did not do anything productive with my God given talent in writing.(blah-blah-blah..)"

Then you started praying for it.....what? Yes…you prayed for a computer in your bedroom! This blessing came unexpectedly and you knew that was the answer to your wish! Aha.Did I ? Yes you did! Okey, now I admit.. sorry.. but its not too late yet…as the saying goes..Better late than never!

And so, let me start DISSECTING myself….

I have always been good at this writing thing. I was convinced about this only of late when I turned 30 years old! Hahaha.

A late bloomer? This is that age of memory recall, I tell you. The age of remembering the good and fun moments of one’s yester years…as well as the not so good? Yes.It is. But almost always, it’s the good things that are remembered and stored in ones’ chest of memories.

Its those memories of being acknowledged and appreciated for one’s skill that is kept well in one’s memory bank.

Like that time we had our 100 nite’s show back in 4^th year college…the encouragement of our hired director Padma, still stays..She told me back then, that if I didn’t become a nurse..I could be a writer..a good one..That time I did not believe her.

Those were the times I did not yet search myself thoroughly..those were the times that affirmations such as these are taken for granted and seemed un important. It just boosted the moment and it disappeared as other important matters came along.

Then, when life started to fall in place, the quest for meaning started entering a creative and imaginative mind. I learned how to value affirmations. Books came in handy. Good write ups about LIFE , about children and parenting, about marriage and about a good and loving God—came for my eyes to devour and my mind to digest.

But as days passed,all these items just stayed in mind. I realized that my fingers became itchy and would long for a pen and a notebook just to wire these thots down to writing. My laziness stopped me.. always putting minor things off for another time.

But when you have it, you can’t let it get away so easily. It keeps bugging you until you are able to express yourself more profoundly. The thot of studying and enrolling myself into literature or writing came to mind..but it did'nt seem important--yet. I told myself, that if you go into that, this time,you won't go far coz you haven’t even started being serious with your own personal writing yet… in your own pc! How much more…well, I told myself that would be something to look forward to… in the old age? Hahaha. I hope not.

There are a lot of moments when words , I may have picked somewhere just keeps repeating in my head.. and they seem to multiply! I sometimes use it on my children and they would ask..what does that mean mommy? I then fumble in my head for the easiest meaning of the word and give it to them. Express yourself! These lines on a penshoppe ad seem to have real meaning for me.

When I started punching in these keys awhile ago.. or the many attempts I did.. not so very long ago…my mind would drift away and my thots get-- stuck! Its like that meatloaf in a can that doesn’t get off after you open it even with a good can opener and no matter how much you pound on it ,it gets off very slowly..you need to pound the other side a little bit harder to get it off! And when it gets off—its easier to slice and put in the pan! Don’t mention the yummy eat after a good cooking!

So, that’s how I simply describe this being and doing.. I know that the first steps are a bit harder to trek. But I am optimistic about this skill! I just need more time to squeeze in. Please allow my thots to linger on this web..This is one of those things I consider a great blessing. It is indeed a good welcome for all those beautiful minds coming in from all over the world, to share generously their lives..This is the moment! To share a portion of our lives openly here is a huge leap.Distance writing, connecting and communicating would be wonderful to the heart!

Life is difficult..yes .it is.. But in my heart I always believe in this :

"Enjoy today, for it is the only moment which is really yours. Who knows what tomorrow may hold? Enjoy those rare moments of a walk at sunset with your spouse. Enjoy those many times he holds your hand and whispers sweet nothing in your ears. Enjoy the precious and candid moments with your children. Its thru their young and innocent eyes that you can see things that are difficult to see from an adults eye..the simple smile you receive from them...their lafter and the hugs and words of love so generously spoken and given! Today is the moment God has given to you! Live it to the fullest..I want to live with the constant expectation that things will be better tomorrow…And when I grow old I want to remember good memories and say : “Those were some of the best days of my life.”

Don’t you think so?